sur•prise, n, 1. an emotional state (most typically either joy or fear) resulting from an unexpected event.

Aren’t bits of self-discovery just fab? I can see now that it’s been coming for some time, but after this morning’s coffee with Tina a number of pieces came tumbling into place (best part is I wasn’t even trying). I finally figured out an important part of what I like and what I want—surprises.

You see, I’m a natural observer, collector, analyst, strategic anticipator, creative imagineer and futurist with a knack for applying those strengths to individual people and individual circumstances. As a result, I tend to have a sense of what’s coming next. There are a lot of upsides to this (too many to list) but one significant downside—people rarely surprise me. If you don’t have this problem then it may be impossible for me to express just how boring life can get when you tend to know what happens next.

Coming to realize this about myself I’m finally figuring out why I’m so enamored with the future. Only the future holds out a hope of the unexpected for me. Solomon (who was supposed to be wise) once said “there’s nothing new under the sun”. In the ebb and flow of day to day life I suppose he was right, but ultimately I think he was wrong. I hope he was wrong.

I’ve also come to realize that one of the primary ways I tend to show my love and passion for people is by attempting to exceed their expectations. Some have attributed this to my own insecurities, some to an achiever strength within me, but neither of these are the most likely source. The truth is we all tend to love the way we want to be loved and “to exceed expectations” is really just a synonym for “surprise me.” It’s all making sense now.

Now I understand why I loathe being asked, “What do you want for your birthday?” or “Tell us what to do to make you feel special.” It always leaves me feeling like I’m being asked to do someone’s loving for them, as if it’s too much trouble or too inconvenient to go out of one’s way. I’ve noticed that usually leaves me (as i’ve recently described to Tina) feeling pretty “unmagnetic”—you know, not possessing that certain magic that secures people’s affection. I’m still convinced that it’s true (God knows, I don’t have much Woo) but at least now I understand that most people simply don’t connect much value to the unexpected. Those who don’t see the future quite as clearly tend to fear it. Fear of the future leads to the need to quantify and control the present. The goal of control is to exclude the possibility of being taken by surprise. I think I get it.

For me the opposite always holds true. If we were to play chess and I said “checkmate in 8 moves,” well, that’s how the normal events of everyday life feel to me most the time. You would be surprised to discover how strangely excited about losing the game I would get if I anticipated winning in 8 moves but you beat me in 11. YES!! I LOVE IT! I tend to welcome the future because, whether it brings good or bad, surprises are simply far more interesting than just more of the past. In virtually every area of my life things need to be growing, evolving, changing. I’m the first to try a strange food, wander into uncharted territory, change positions, build it just a little differently, test a theory, mix it up in a romance, or experiment with the unknown. Yes, all at the risk of these new experiences failing miserably, because for me even paying to see a bad new movie is better than staying home for re-runs.

Theologically, this has always been one of my problems with the weight certain groups give to predestination. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t question God’s ability to know every detail of the future, I question His desire to know every detail (boooorrrrrringg). I don’t know, maybe that’s the fun of evolution!? My bro, Alex “M” McManus, and I like to ponder together that since God is more than sufficient—dare I say “sovereign”—for every moment of the present, then perhaps not everything about the future needs to be set in stone. Maybe He’s a little bit like me in that way. Maybe He who can anticipate everything is refreshed and renewed by occasionally saying to His creation, “This one is up to you to choose. Surprise me.”